I am such a fawner. And a freezer. I feel like I’ve been frozen — stuck — for five years now. I went to a therapist a few years ago and mentioned fawning and she had never heard of it. I watch myself do it. Afraid someone’s upset with me, that I’ve said or done something wrong — even the most minor thing, anxiety kicks into high gear and I start fawning. Once I’m sure the “crisis” has passed I can relax and stop. I do it with my spouse, my coworkers, my friends, my family. It’s exhausting.
I’m surprised your therapist had never heard of it. The hardest step is recognizing you do it. Then there is a process to unwind the habits and behaviors. It’s possible. And sometimes fawning is necessary. It’s called the Stockholm syndrome too.
OMFG!!!! My typical response is freeze...I take flight as soon as I get the chance later lol. But there have been certain instances where I have fawned! Gosh...it's coming so so clearly to me now! Like visions and memories bombarding me. And I can clearly see the patterns lol. Thank you so so much for this! I needed it today:)
I'm so glad you resonated with this. I remember the first time I heard the term "fawning" as a trauma response, some five years ago or so. It was a game-changer in terms of understanding myself and how I process things.
"The line that really struck me was: 'We squint just enough to see red flags as happy fluttery beautiful red butterflies.' It's so true, and so painful. It's like we willingly put on those rose-colored glasses, hoping against hope that the red flags are just a trick of the light. But deep down, we know the truth. It's a heartbreaking realization, but it's also the first step towards healing.
I refuse to accept that my rose colored glasses are a negative thing. I think the things that I see with them are really there. That the butterflies do exist. It's just that when I confuse most of the red flags for butterflies, it can be dangerous.
I also refuse to believe that fawning is a bad thing. I think the world needs more people like me, who fawn over others. Who boost others up. Who see and proclaim the beauties I see in the world, despite the shadows.
I am such a fawner. And a freezer. I feel like I’ve been frozen — stuck — for five years now. I went to a therapist a few years ago and mentioned fawning and she had never heard of it. I watch myself do it. Afraid someone’s upset with me, that I’ve said or done something wrong — even the most minor thing, anxiety kicks into high gear and I start fawning. Once I’m sure the “crisis” has passed I can relax and stop. I do it with my spouse, my coworkers, my friends, my family. It’s exhausting.
I’m surprised your therapist had never heard of it. The hardest step is recognizing you do it. Then there is a process to unwind the habits and behaviors. It’s possible. And sometimes fawning is necessary. It’s called the Stockholm syndrome too.
Oh Ms. Jamie do i relate to this so fucking deeply. Chat with my soul momma. She can help you stop living like this and live a life of peace!
Haha. It took me a minute to realize that when you said soul mama you meant ME. Thank you dear for recommending me.
OMFG!!!! My typical response is freeze...I take flight as soon as I get the chance later lol. But there have been certain instances where I have fawned! Gosh...it's coming so so clearly to me now! Like visions and memories bombarding me. And I can clearly see the patterns lol. Thank you so so much for this! I needed it today:)
I'm so glad you resonated with this. I remember the first time I heard the term "fawning" as a trauma response, some five years ago or so. It was a game-changer in terms of understanding myself and how I process things.
"The line that really struck me was: 'We squint just enough to see red flags as happy fluttery beautiful red butterflies.' It's so true, and so painful. It's like we willingly put on those rose-colored glasses, hoping against hope that the red flags are just a trick of the light. But deep down, we know the truth. It's a heartbreaking realization, but it's also the first step towards healing.
I refuse to accept that my rose colored glasses are a negative thing. I think the things that I see with them are really there. That the butterflies do exist. It's just that when I confuse most of the red flags for butterflies, it can be dangerous.
I also refuse to believe that fawning is a bad thing. I think the world needs more people like me, who fawn over others. Who boost others up. Who see and proclaim the beauties I see in the world, despite the shadows.
Love all of this!!! Thank you both for sharing this with us all. 💛💛💛