Storytime
Conversation
“Who wants Edgar?” my aunt asked about the atrocious portrait of my maternal grandfather prominently displayed in Grandma’s living room.
“Not me!” various family members chimed while sorting through boxes for the upcoming estate sale. We couldn’t sell him, and putting him in the trash pile wasn’t an option either.
My aunt looked right at me.
Grandpa Edgar’s Mona-Lisa eyes commanded me to take him home with me. I felt his authoritarian voice puncture my gut, just like it did when he told 5-year-old me that we are members of the clean plate club in this household.
He’d been dead for years, but his voice inside my head was still very much alive.
Edgar was coming home with me, whether I wanted him or not.
At the time, I was in year three of a six-year deep dive into shaman work. One of the key elements of my study, developing deeper relationship with ancestors. It only made sense that I would get his portrait.
Where the hell am I gonna hang this ugly thing?
In life, Grandpa Edgar was a very grumpy old man, particularly towards children. I remember being scared of him, especially at the dinner table when mushrooms were on the menu. (I hate mushrooms. I HATE THEM! I hate them so much that I vomit a little inside my mouth just thinking about eating them). Once, I pretended to sleep through dinner just so I wouldn’t have to face Grandpa Edgar’s wrath about finishing my mushrooms.
Once I went to college, my relationship with Edgar started to shift. He became curious about me and my life. He told me stories about his college life. He came to visit me on campus, and even volunteered to put up a booth about his travels to Japan and Amsterdam at the Multicultural Fair I coordinated. Turns out, Grandpa was a pretty cool dude — with grown-ups. He just wasn’t cool with kids.
I was just starting to like him, and then he went and had a heart-attack while mowing the lawn. I was backpacking through Europe and missed his funeral.
Edgar came home with me. I hung him inside a closet and built and ancestor shrine around him. He looked right into me and said “we’re just getting started kid.”
So began a beautiful friendship.
I still think the portrait is atrocious. Yet, Edgar is proud to take his seat at the head of my celestial team’s table. The irony is, I’ve had this portrait now for nearly 20 years, and it has always found a perfect display space in every home I’ve had since. Over the years, I’ve found comfort in his gaze through some of the most challenging times of my life.
Lesson
My shaman teacher, Dr. Malidoma Patrice Somé of the Dagara Tribe of Burkina Faso, West Africa, taught me how to cultivate a healing relationship with my ancestors.
It started with a 5-day Ancestralization Ritual in which I activated Edgar and my Paternal Grandmother Alice to take lead. While yes, this was a long series of woo-woo type experiences, the ultimate result was a fundamental shift in my nervous system and memory activation. The activities and exercises of that 5-days brought up the genetics and memories of Edgar and Alice to the forefront of my nervous system.
Here’s me telling a story about that activation to a client.
I can now feel the traits and character and mannerisms of Alice spill out of me in the mundane things I do every day, like how I cook a meal, or the expressions I use when I interact with the people I love, or the way I make efforts to connect with family.
As for Edgar, I *know* in the deep marrow of my bones that his business acumen guides and drives my own entrepreneurship. When I struggle with a business decision or action, I find the answer by contemplating “what would Edgar tell me to do?”
Malidoma always said that the ancestors who were the most difficult for us in life are the most beneficial for us after death. He claimed that they wanted to right their wrongs in life, and the only way to do that is through the legacy of us, their descendants.
Thanks Grandpa Edgar.
I love you more now.
Ancestral Reading w/ Deanna Thomas
The video at the head of this post is with of . She shares her story of how her mother, in efforts to protect her children, kept them insulated from their grandparents. Which started to break the patterns of ancestral traumas that run in the bloodline. Deanna now lives a vibrant mindful life in Jamaica, healed of the pains that plagued her ancestors. This sample reading offers her explanations of how she has healed, and elaborates into how she could develop a relationship with those ancestors who struggled in life, but want to see her thrive as their descendant and legacy.
If you made it this far. Thank You 🙏. This post was a big one.
Please check out my other publications:
W🔮rds are Spells : The magick of being mindful with your words
The 🧙🏼♂️Hobbit & The 🦉Owl : Wisdom and Whimsy in love & relationships
