The Practice to Push Pause on People-Pleasing
a gentle practice to relax over-functioning and the resentment that comes with it.
Putting the Oxygen Mask on Myself First
One of the hardest lessons for a lifelong people-pleaser is this: taking care of myself first doesn’t mean I’m selfish—it means I’m sustainable.
When you carry the weight of other people’s needs, expectations, and comfort, it doesn’t just show up in your calendar. It shows up in your body—especially in your shoulders.
My right shoulder used to pulse with what I now call The Martyr Clamp. It wasn’t an injury. It was a compact of guilt. A loyalty contract I never signed but upheld with sore muscles and invisible labor and carrying the mental load for everyone I loved.
Over years of people-pleasing, my shoulder blade became a shelf for burdens that weren’t mine. My body didn’t need another yoga class, I have that skill mastered, what I needed was to listen to myself. I needed to stop over-functioning and start honoring myself first.
I had to re-learn how to put the metaphorical oxygen mask on myself before assisting others. That meant creating simple, non-negotiable rituals that nourished me before I poured energy into anyone else.
This somatic practice was one of the first things that helped.
It’s not fancy. It doesn’t take long. But if you practice it regularly, it will gently teach your body how to stop holding what isn’t yours.
Over time, I stopped flinching when I put myself first. I stopped reaching for the neighbor’s trash bin before she asked. I started making coffee when I wanted it—even if someone was meditating upstairs. And slowly, my shoulder stopped screaming for my attention.
